ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
