Please, let me fuck your mom
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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