Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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