He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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