On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
