You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
