I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
