Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize