omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
