just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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