I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
two words: eviction party
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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