I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
