The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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