i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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