If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
