Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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