We won't sleep together?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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