took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
