So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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