He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
