how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
