I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize