I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
