Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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