did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
