I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
