alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
