before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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