The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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