There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
