I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
