Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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