Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
