what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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