Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
