My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize