She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
