I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
