Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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