First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my shit smells like andre
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
