he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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