I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
