Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
ttyl tear gas
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize