I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
