So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
