maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
