And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You are the jesus of drinking
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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