Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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