We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize