I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
