i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
