Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
