I was born with a shot glass in my hand
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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