I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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