Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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