Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
