sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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