Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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