just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
