So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
