If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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