Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
