even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
