she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
